Diary – 2019, January 3rd, Thursday, 23:03 IST

Dear Diary,


At This Moment, I’m In A Perfect Bliss. I Liked Today. It Was Completely Opposite Of Yesterday. I See Hope. I See Light. There’s Something Amazing Happened Today. They Agreed. They Agreed To Support Me. They’re Even Taking The Initiative. Maybe It’s Not Bad After All. I Know This Fear Will Take Time To Leave, But This Little Shred Of Hope, It’s So Beautiful, It’s Enlightening. I Really Like This.

But At The Same Time, I’m Scared, Scared That This Is Another Silence Before The Storm, Just Like It Happens Every Single Time. But I Must Use This, Accept This Opportunity And Cherish It. I Have To. I Need Energy Right Now. And Even If It’s Another One Of Those False Hopes, I’ve To Believe In It Being True. And Only Then I’d Work, Work Hard To Achieve It, My Light. It’s Not Exactly Right. But Failing After Working Hard And Giving Your Best, Is Not Really A Failure. I’ll Get Something Out Of It Definitely. And So I Will. I Know I Can Do It. It’s A Fresh Breath. It Feels Good. But I Realized Something Interesting Today.

I Noticed That I’m Making Some Mistakes, Doing Somethings Really Wrong Way, Which I Myself Feel Are Wrong. I Read Something In Morning, Today, And I Realized That Maybe I’m Being A Bit Narcissistic. And That’s Leading Me To Hurt People I Love. I Don’t Want To Be Like This. So I’ve Decided That Little By Little, I’ll Change Myself, For Good. I’ve Hurt A Lot Of People, Even If Unintentionally, I’ve Inflicted Pain. And So I Must Balance It With Being Good. I Keep Getting Confused Between If I’m Selfish Or Not. And I Never Can Get A Coherent Conclusion. But I Guess I’ve To Look Harder Into Myself And Really See What All Needs Upgrading.

One Thing I’m Sure For Now Is That I’m A Bit Narcissistic And That’s Hurting Someone And That’s Why I’ll Try To Avoid Those Kinds Of Thoughts And Bring Myself To Understand The Other Way, The Good Way, In Which I Can Both Love Myself And Others. This Is Surprising That No One Ever Told Me About This, Maybe No One Noticed, Or Maybe I’m Not Really Like That, But It Won’t Hurt To Become Better, Anyways.

All In All, Today Weren’t That Bad As I Had Thought Of After I Woke Up. But Now Is The Time That I Really Wake Up, And See. I Really, Really Hope That All Coming Days Go Like This And That I’m Able To Work Hard And Do Better. And Most Of All, Someday, I Hope The Black Wall Ahead Falls.

Looking Back To Today’s Events, I Went To The Opticals Shop Today To Get New Glasses Built, But The Optician Advised Me To Consult An Eye Specialist For He Can’t Determine The Correct Number For My Eye. Hopefully I Won’t Go Blind Before I’ve Seen The Light. Afterwards, I Had A Good Talk And Explored The New Possibilities More. I Got Even More Energy. Rest Of The Day Passed In Blurr, Dealing With How Faraday Explained Electromagnetic Induction.

Physics Would Be One Of My Favorite Topics To Explore If I’m Not Forced Into It. And I’ll Probably Not Even Touch Chemistry Unless I See Real Fun In Some Topic Like Is It Possible To Make A Layer On Water Which Makes The Swimmer Never Being Able To Drown? And, Well, Math Will Always Be Awesome. I’ve A Thing For Numbers And Unknown Alphabets, Plus Those Special Characters Like The Symbol For Integration Which Looks Like An Elephant’s Trunk. Cool, Right? Oh, I Just Love It!

An Hour, I Spent Reading My Favorite Webcomic Which Sadly Ended Today. It Was An Amazing Journey. And I Also Got To Eat “Gulabdi”, A Kind Of Sweet Soup Made Of Jaggery And Butter And Wheat Flour, I Guess, Which I Was Craving For Ever Since The Winters Started. Yum! Plus It’s Very Good For Health. I Probably Redder Blood Now. Hehe.

And, Now I Must Get Back To Doing What I Was Doing Before I Started Writing This. Because That’s The Favorite Part Of My Day. A Secret I’ll Tell You Someday. And, Btw, I Saw A Some Kind Of Documentary About Stephen Hawking’s Book. It Was Awesome. But Now I’m Really Curious. Does God Really Exist? And Even If One Doesn’t, What’s The Harm In Believing In One?

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