Diary – 2020, March 6th, 07:27 PM IST


Dear Diary,

I’m Late Today. But It Was A Busy Day. And A Good One, Too. Lemme Start By Talking Of Yesterday And The Day Before. Catch The Prequel Here.

2020, March 4th, After 4 AM IST

I Was Supposed To Go Back To Sleep. But I Just Couldn’t Sleep Without Talking With Him… Around 4:47 AM, I Sent Him A Hug GIF Because I Felt That He Needed It And So Did I. Then I Turned Off The WiFi And Shut My Eyes. Five Minutes In And I Couldn’t Help But Check If He Replied.

He Did. Even If He’d Had Said Something Argumentative, I’d Still Feel So Much Grateful That At Least He’s Talking, But Unbelievably, Among Other Things, He Wrote: “Even Though I Need You Close.”! Ah. What A Feeling Of Relief. And He Told Me Not To Worry, That He Won’t Leave. I Was In Tears. And Then We Talked Till Around 6:30 AM. We Talked About Various Things. But The Major Topic Of Discussion Was His Meeting With My Parents.

That’s A Very Serious Issue In Our Life. It’s The Biggest Ocean(Of Literal Tears) That We’ve To Swim Through. I Tried To Convince Him That It’s Not As Bad As He Thinks It Is. But He Just Couldn’t Help Feeling Scared Because Of All He Had Heard From People There. Not His Fault. So When It’s All Said And Done, Only Then He’ll Believe Me. And That’s Alright.

But That’s That. The Major Issue Was That He Still Thought That It’d Be Better To End It All. Yesterday. He Was Talking Like He Has Never Before. It Was So, So Foreign. I Spent The Entire Time Crying Not Believing That He, Of All People, Could Say Something Like That.

But I Knew That It’s Not His Fault To Think Like That. This Was Not Him Speaking. This Was All Those People Speaking Who Put Doubts In His Mind In The First Place. And I Needed To Remove Them. And I Did. But Not That Time. That Time, He Was Very Tired. And I Had To Go To College, Too. So I Just Made Him Sleep And Started Getting Ready For College.

The Morning.

It Wasn’t The First Time I’ve Stayed Awaken All Night And Then Went To School/College Next Day. But The Tiredness I Felt Throughout Wasn’t Because Of Lack Of Sleep. I Don’t Feel Like Going To College Any More. You Might Ask Why, But That’s A Long Story For Another Time. In Short, It Has To Do With Loneliness.

Anyways, The Day Passed Like Any Other. Nobody Even Knew I Existed Let Alone Know It Was My Birthday. So There Was Nothing Special About College That Day. After College, I Went Out To Wait For Bus. It Always Comes Late, So I Started Walking Around The College Circle.

One Of My High-School Friends Called Me. She Wished Me Happy Birthday And I Said Thank You. And Like Everyone Else, She’d Ask Me What Are My Plans For The Day. But You See, I Never Had Any Plans For My Birthday Ever Really. Like Not The Usual Ones As Other People Of My Age Supposedly Have.

Till Last Year, I Always Had Final Exams Around My Birthday, So There’s No Point Of A Party. And Even If There Weren’t Any Exams, There Was No One Really To Party With. And On Top Of All That, I Never Really Liked Parties. It’s All Out Of The Question Even After That Because I Could Hardly Afford Any New Birthday Dress Let Alone A Party. So It Was Actually Good That I Got To Escape It All With The Excuse Of Exams. But That Doesn’t Mean That I Don’t Like My Birthday.

I Love My Birthday. I Always Have. It’s One Day In The Entire Year On Which, No Matter What, I Don’t Allow Anything Or Anyone To Spoil My Mood. Every Year, I’d Do Something Special For Myself Like I Launched This Blog This Year. And No, It’s Not Narcissism, It’s Self-Love.

Everyone Should Know That Because We Must Remember That We Won’t Always Have People Around Us Who Love Us. But Fortunately For Me, I’ve Always Had Someone Around Me Every Year. And My Parents Would Be The First One. Though I Never Had A Strong Bonding With Them. I Don’t Really Like Them. I Actually Hate So Many Parts Of Them. But Undeniably, I Love Them The Most. For No Reason.

And There’s This Thing I Want To Say About Love, Like And Hate. You See, We All Always Have Reasons To Like Or Hate Somebody. But To Love, Is Reasonless. And Hence We Can Like And Love Somebody Or Hate And Love Somebody At The Same Time. Because I Believe That Love Is Forever Because It Has No Reason.

Like And Hate Will Pass With The Reasons Through Which They Were Born. So We May Or May Not Like Or Hate Someone, But If We Love Someone, We Will Forever Do So. Unreasonably. Of Course, There’s A Lot More To Say About That, But It’s A Topic For Another Time.

After Talking With My Friend, I Called My… Let’s Just Say A Relative Who’s Granpa’s Age So Is Called Grandpa. I Told Him That It’s My Birthday Today And Asked Him For His Blessings. Now, Now. That Is A Very Amazing Ritual Here. Here, As In, At Least In My Family.

Here, On Your Birthday, You’d Hardly Get Any Calls From Your Elders. No, It’s Not That They Forgot. It’s Just That, They’re Not Supposed To Call. It’s Us Kids Who Call Them Instead And Tell Them That It’s Our Birthday And Literally Ask For Blessings. And If You Don’t, Then, Well… You’re The Most Disrespectful Person In The Entire Universe.

So, Then I Had To Like Call My Relatives Who Live Here In My City. I Called That Grandpa, An Aunt, Another Two Aunts, My Paternal Grandparents, My Maternal Grandparents, And Another Pair Of An Uncle And An Aunt. And Then I Was Supposed To Call At Least Ten More People But Hey, It’s My Birthday. Already Had A Heavy Half-Day, So I Decided Not To Follow Through This Too Much. And, FYI, The Only Reason I Do This Is Because My Parents Insist, And Since There’s No Harm, I Do It Because I Respect Them. That’s All.

After College.

So The Bus Came Finally, And Other Than Extremely Sleepy, I Was Also Extremely Hungry Now. But There Was Still Two Hours Before Reaching PG So I Put On My Earphones And Closed My Eyes. Throughout The Journey, I Was Half-Asleep Half-Awake, Often Bumping My Head On The Window On My Left. After Reaching, I Walked Back To My PG(Paying Guest) House, Got Out Of The Clothes And Immediately Went To Bed. But I Just Couldn’t Sleep.

I Had Lots Of Things On My Mind. Way Too Much To Even Concentrate On Writing. Still, I Tried. But Couldn’t Write Much. I Knew I Needed To Talk With Him. It Was Time For Him To Wake Up Already. So I Decided To Text Him. And I See That He Already Texted Me First And That Felt So Wonderful To See. I Don’t Know Why People Say That All The Excitement Fades After Some Time. For Me, It Never Changed. We Talk Literally Every Day And For Long Enough. And Yet Every Time I Hear The Notification Sound And See The Pop-Up, `I Feel The Same Excitement I Have Since, Ever.


So We Talked And I Was First Scolded For Not Eating Yet And Not Sleeping For So Long. Then I Sent Him The Pictures I Took In Morning Of Myself. I Was Wearing The New T-Shirt My Mother Bought Me Last Year. Along With That, I Wore The Very Beautiful Pendant My Bestie From Hungary Sent Me For My Birthday.

He Had Already Forgotten To Scold Me Anymore. Good For Me Because I Was Too Tired To Eat And Too Hungry To Sleep. So I Just Wanted To Not Do Either And Instead Talk With Him. After A While I Asked Him If We Could Video Call. He Hesitated Once Because He Had To Study But All I Had To Do Was Say Please To Get Him On Board.

We Talked For Around 50 Minutes Before My Mother Called And Told Me To Go And Get Mail From Downstairs. I Thought It Was The Postman Bringing The Mail My Father Told Me He Sent A Few Days Ago Which Had Some Documents. But Not Very Surprisingly, Yet Surprisingly, They Freaking Ordered A Cake! I Came Upstairs And The Singular Thought In My Mind Was, “But I’ve No One To Share It With.”

I Then First Opened The Box, Video Called Besta Again And Showed Him That I Got Cake! And Wait, It Was CHOCOLATE FREAKING BROWNIE CAKE!! Oh, How I Love It. And It Was As Tasty As It Looked. Then I Video Called My Mother. I Talked With My Paternal Grandparents And My Siblings. It Felt Good. And I Must Admit, I Missed home A Bit Then For The First Time In A While.

I Probably Ate More Than 1/4th, Or Around 3/8th Of The Cake Myself. It Was Really Delicious. But I Was Already Full. Then Besta Said That He’s Gonna Get A Cake Here, Too. Then We’ll Both Video Call And Cut It Together And Celebrate My Birthday. And As Sweet As That Sounded, I Was Really Surprised. I Don’t Know Why. I Didn’t Expect It. So I Just Said, Yeah, Let’s Do It. I Thought That It’d Be A Good Opportunity To Cheer Him Up And He’ll Also Get To Eat Something Good.

I Then Even Offered That He Can Call His Friends. We Can All Video Call, But Unexpectedly, He Said That He Want This Memory To Be Just Ours. And, Gosh, That Made Me Feel So Good. And On Top Of That, He Even Missed Half Of His Class. Not Saying That I Appreciate That, But I Appreciate The Intention, The Reason Behind It. I Felt Really, Really, Good. I Cannot Explain It In Words. It Might All Sound Cheesy But You Don’t Know Even Half Of The Story We Have. So Stop Feeling Clichéd (Is That A Word?) Or Something (Similar).

The Rest Of The Evening.

Anyways, After An Hour’s Call, He Finally Went To Classes And I Resumed My Work On My Blog. That Was The Last We Called That Day. Usually, We Talk After 1 AM Here But That Day I Went To Sleep At 11 Only. No Wonder, Yeah. But Before That, I Talked With A Cousin Of Mine, And Her Husband And Also Received A Call From A School Friend.

Then I Talked With One Of My Best Friends From Friemly(Group Of My Closest Friends). Like All My Other Best Freinds, He Also Gave Me A Unique Gift. He Said That He’d Make A Card But That Wouldn’t Be Him, So He Made A Birthday Meme For Me. It Was So So Amazing. I Really Appreciate It A Lot. So We Talked About It And Other Things. (Check My Next Post For The Picture.)

I Also Received Wishes From My Ex-Boyfriend. Yep, We Are Still Really Good Friends Minus Any Awkwardness. We Had A Good Talk For A While. Then My Roommate And I Had Pizza For Dinner And We Went To Sleep. Oh, And I Forgot To Mention That My Roommate And Her Friend Here Got Me Cake The Previous Night Around 12:30 AM. The Only Reason That It Wasn’t Worth Mentioning Until Now Was Because It Was One Of The Two Most Fake Wishes I Had Gotten That Day. The Top One Was The One From… Well, Story For Another Time?

But That Wasn’t The All About My Birthday. The Next Day Was Equally Interesting. Read All About It In Next Post.

How Was Your Day? Tell Me What Do You Think Of All This?

Catch Up With You Soon, Diary.


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