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Help Me

Dear Mummy & Papa,

I’m Writing This Because I Can Never Speak To You Like This. I’m Writing This On The Day I Begged You To Help Me And You Did Not. You Say There’s Enough Problems In Your Life Already. I Know Them. I Live With Them, With You. But What Is So Important Than Your Daughter’s Life? Am I Not Important To You? Does I Mean Nothing? If I Am Then Why Would You Not Hear My Pain? They Say A Mother Is A Daughter’s Best Friend. But Mummy, You Couldn’t Even Be My Friend. You Couldn’t even be my mother. I Need You So Much Right Now. And I Know You Have Never Hugged Me Because It Is Awkward And You Were Never Taught To Do So. But Right Now Would Be A Good Time To Hold Me. I Really Need It, Mummy. You Are Hurting Me So Much But Yet I Need You To Understand. I Need You To Hear Me Out. They Say, A Mother can sense her child’s emotions. Mummy, I’m screaming for help. Why Can’t you hear It? Why Can’t You See The Tears In My Eyes? Does My Short Breaths And My Inability To Speak Is Not Clear Enough? What do i need to do to make you love me, the real me and not the doll you have made me into? Will you ever love me like you love your god? I really wish you’d pay attention to me as much as you do to your statues and frames of gods. I don’t want you to buy me clothes or ice-cream or make good food. Just please can you once hear me out and really try to understand me? I really need it, mummy. Please, please help me. Because i’m hurting so much/ So very much/ Everything in me pains/ I can’t even see clearly. I cannot cry out loud because then papa would get angry and try to kill himself. That’s scary, you know. When you two try to kill yourself just so people do as you want. It’s scary. Really. You are not the best parents/ you are’\n’t the best humans, and I don’t think I can live with you, but I do love you so much and i don’t want you to die/ So can you please not do that again ever? It really is very scary/ It makes me want to die myself/ And I do not want to die,papa. I want to live because I love life.I Love earth. I love trees and flowers and sky and water and rain and duststorms and thunderstorms. And I love to study, maths, science, computers. And I like art, painting and music. I don’t want to leave all that. I want to live so much. So please let me. Don;t make me die. Help me, please. Just take me to a psychologist if you cannot talk. I’ve already begged you so much , understand that it must be really important. And I know, i know that it is expensive and we don’t even have enough for healthy food, but can you please understand that ny condition is not good. I really want to sleep at night. It’s not cool anymore. Cannot lie anymore/ can you please understand that? We can somehow pay for it, and the virus isn’t as bad as this. It only kills body once and for all. But what I’mm going through is killing my soul. And it hurts, it really does. It hurts in my head and in my throat and in my chest and mmy stomach. It really hurts very much and I’m trying to be strong but this is not easy/ I really nedd help. Plese help me. I cannot go on like this. This is really the last time I’m going to ask for help. If you don’t help me now, It’d be really bad. I wouldn’t want to love you anymore and I wound’t try to be a good daughter/ and yes, I’m trying now, really. Mummy, I don’t believe in god and black magic even a bit but I pray everyday for an hour just because you say it and I can’t stay hungry but I fast and I celebrate all festivals and I smile and I wear the threads inn my neck and I do everything you say. I follow every rule. But can you understand that I really can’t get up at 8-9 if I sleep at 6. I can’t help iy. Im trying fot so many years/ Why don’t you understand? Please, can you try this once? And I don’t mean to be angry but if I’m not angry, If I don’y cry, I become numb and That makes me wat to die. And I don’t want to die, mummy papa. I don’t wamt to die. Please do not make me/ Please, please, I beg you to help me. I really nedd. I’m screaming for help can you please not ignoring me ? What have I done so wrong? What have to do more to make you see me? Can you please not make this any harder? And I love you, I really do. But I cannot go on like this. I cannot. This is last letter I write to you and If you don’t see my tears today, I will not cry again/ I will stop loving you/ I will stop being your daughter. I do not want to. But I wouldn’t be able to help it/ Somethings can’t be helped/ It’s just how things are, mummy/ I cannot stop crying. I cannot stop feeling sad, I cannot stop being me. I will not die but for you, I’d be dead. So please, see me today, see my tears, hear my screams, and help me. Please, help me…

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